So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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