At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
