It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize