apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
