My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
