just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
