Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
