She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
