Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize