Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Alive.
So much puke
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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