Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
