Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
