She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize