My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
