OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
