is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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