ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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