Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i was born a porn star she said
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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