after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
