First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
