The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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