She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
