So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
