i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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