hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
