Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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