umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
