Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
