I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There's always time for handjobs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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