i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
