YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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