When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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