I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
