Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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