I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize