i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina is officially offended.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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