I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come see our sink grown plant.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
