He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
