no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
