So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
