her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
