Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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