I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
