those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
