On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
