STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
