If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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