i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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