I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
