Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
