Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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