i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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