I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
