Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
