you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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