i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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