Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
