Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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