i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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