if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
