What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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