he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
