Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
