Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
