Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
BRING THE BAGELS
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
