alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
