I'm eating all of the evidence.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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