He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
