Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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