he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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