Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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