he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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