all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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