I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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